Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
