my room smells like sperm. sweet.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
There's even glitter on my cock...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
