The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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