i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
