I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
