If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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