We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
