U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
