Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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