i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
