I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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