whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
