I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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