Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
