It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
