Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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