So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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