2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
No subtext here. People are naked.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
