oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Is it because I queefed?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
