I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
