meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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