The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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