she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
