oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
