you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
