can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
