Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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