she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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