The maid of honor just puked.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
