If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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