bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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