Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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