1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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