Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
