i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
