he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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