So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
