so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
