What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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