forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
