saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
