"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
