If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
