You just made me feel so damn special
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
