hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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