you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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