I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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