i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
