I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
