Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
