i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
im holly from the hills drunk
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
