Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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