She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
