A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
