Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
