Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
