Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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