I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
