so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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