I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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