: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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