I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
