if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
