I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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