After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
