i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
