i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
