NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he was CRYING into my vagina
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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