Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
